|
|
Post by madandfrozen on Apr 3, 2007 2:20:27 GMT -5
^^
|
|
|
|
Post by Jordy on Apr 3, 2007 2:23:00 GMT -5
Oooooooooooh! I love it, it's funny how you don't know what's happening at all but yet, can come up with something. Thanks! =)
|
|
|
|
Post by madandfrozen on Apr 3, 2007 2:23:21 GMT -5
welcome ^^
|
|
|
|
Post by Jordy on Apr 3, 2007 2:31:34 GMT -5
It made a good part in my story.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jordy on Apr 3, 2007 2:34:50 GMT -5
I put part of the second chapter up. 0_o
|
|
|
|
Post by madandfrozen on Apr 3, 2007 2:36:34 GMT -5
Really? *rushes to read*
|
|
|
|
Post by Jordy on Apr 3, 2007 2:48:42 GMT -5
LOL. =)
|
|
|
|
Post by madandfrozen on Apr 3, 2007 3:01:28 GMT -5
lol
|
|
|
|
Post by Lady Hammer on Apr 4, 2007 11:02:02 GMT -5
I like your style of writing and all, but I think it's just a little choppy. I know it's the style and all, but maybe your sentences should be longer? Dunno. And I think with all the fragments it makes it choppier. Fragments are good when used in a certain way, but I think you got a lot of 'em.
It's okay to draw your sentences out and use ellpises to make pauses! ;D I do it a lot! ^^ ... yeah. See? lol...
Anyway I hope my critique meant something. Hehe.
|
|
|
|
Post by Bethany on Apr 4, 2007 21:19:07 GMT -5
I agree heartily with Lady Hammer.
Short sentances make a story exciting. They dramatize an event and make the story fast paced. There is, however, a difference between quick sentances and choppy sentances. I even saw some incomplete sentances in there, which, occasionally, can have some artistic value, but are usually writing faux paus.
I like where you're going with it, though. It is very interesting, just a little confusing to follow at the moment.
|
|
