|
Post by burntsmoke on Jun 13, 2008 12:02:40 GMT -5
Okay, so I've looked absoloutly everywhere but I can't find good enough help. Can anyone of you guys possibly...?? Basically, how should I start my first sentence? It's set in an abandoned city and the person is all alone there. Any ideas?? Ahh! Help would be much appreciated
|
|
Cira
New Member
Posts: 24
|
Post by Cira on Jun 20, 2008 17:59:21 GMT -5
I like to go for some kind of amazing description, but interesting and cryptic enough to keep someone hooked. onomonopoea (spelled wrong, I know) doesn't hurt.
I started my um...book with "The thick darkness of my chamber skitters into the corners and along the walls, in a temporary retreat from the feeble candle flame."
Basically, make it interesting, have it hint at or state the setting, character, or plot, and have fun (figurative language is nice).
Personally, not knowing the plot, this is the best I can do (it's in first person, but it could always be switched) so here is my example with the person in a city school: "The hallways here still seemed to echo with the life of vibrant young minds, even after the events of the last week." And here is an example just walking down a street: "Traversing this street was usually so easy and carefree, but the emptiness today smothered me and the silence screamed through my ears."
|
|
|
Post by burntsmoke on Jun 27, 2008 10:39:16 GMT -5
oh woah thanks for you help this shall definately be handy!!
|
|
Cira
New Member
Posts: 24
|
Post by Cira on Jul 2, 2008 9:24:57 GMT -5
You are very welcome. I have always found starting out to be the hardest part, myself (the first time I tried to write the prologue to my book, it sucked). I'm glad that I could be so useful.
|
|
|
Post by Lady Hammer on Jul 7, 2008 19:47:30 GMT -5
HOWEVER...
It's better to keep it simple. Make it relatable.
"The thick darkness of my chamber skitters into the corners and along the walls, in a temporary retreat from the feeble candle flame."
That's not a great starting sentence, nor is it a good sentence to have in a story period, because of all the modifiers running amock. Take out all of the adjectives and adverbs and all of that, and leave only ONE. Or TWO. Try this:
"The darkness of my chamber skitters into the corners and along the walls in a retreat from the feeble candle flame."
You can make it even better by using what I call 'unusual' words, or words that have a more impacting visual effect in one's head. I might make a list of some later.
"The darkness of my chamber drips into the corners and along the walls, in a retreat from the feeble candle flame."
Now, instead of using the word 'temporary', take it out and add another sentence to describe that it's only temporary. You don't need one sentence to convey a wide range of things, because it's harder for a reader to take a breath. Rather, use a few sentences to convey one, because it's more fun to read.
"The darkness of my chamber drips into the corners and along the walls in a retreat from the feeble candle flame. But, it doesn't last for long."
Sorry to totally rip your sentence apart Cira, but I needed to use it as an example. The simpler your sentence is, the more impacting it is. You want it to be memorable. I've had to entirely re-do so many stories because I didn't realize that until now. Like the last one I posted on here. It's completely redone on paper.
|
|
Cira
New Member
Posts: 24
|
Post by Cira on Jul 24, 2008 14:30:01 GMT -5
Oh, that's fine. I totally get your point. When I finally get around to typing this and revising, I will probably try to keep this in mind. I have recently recognized that I can have issues with over modifier-ing, so I knew that some of my old stuff would have to be fixed some. I wrote that sentence on the bus when I was bored, anyway, so I didn't expect that bit to be perfect. And a list of unusual/impacting words would be quite handy.
|
|