Post by Lady Hammer on Oct 18, 2007 15:00:32 GMT -5
9: The Extra Body
It was almost as if the sky itself darkened, but I knew that wasn’t possible. Was it? Feelings like hate, fear, revenge, and agony – the ones I try my hardest to keep earthed – suddenly started to take over. Something bad was coming, something bad was coming…
Aleth and Gabriella locked eyes, and I could feel some sort of tacit argument taking place. “Come on!” I wanted to say. “Come on, we’ve got to go!” As it grew colder and darker, they stood still, glaring at each other. Did they think time was something we had an excess of? My heart started to pound so hard, it hurt.
“Run!” Aleth finally told the redhead. Indignantly, she shook her head.
“No! Are you crazy? I’m going to help you through that pass!” If there was to be any helping, all arguments would have to be terminated immediately.
“We’ll be fine if we just run! But Gabriella, we can’t put you in anymore danger; we’ve done it enough! Just start on y—”
“No! If I’m gonna go, then promise me you two will take a safer route!” I wanted to lie to her. I wanted to tell her that we would, and then go behind her back and go down the pass anyway.
“Gabriella, we can’t do that! If we took any other route, it would take us another day to reach Davrkton! This is the fastest way. We can’t afford to waste anymore time!” The redhead looked infuriated, and I didn’t blame her. She just wanted to help, right? But when I turned around to gaze down the pass I was having second thoughts about, third, fourth, and “no way’s” came. Several shadowy figures had lined up on the very edge of the thickening trees. They had no definite shape, and just floated there, almost billowing about. Were these ardoks?
Much to our horror, Gabriella slipped on her knuckledusters and ran head first into battle. Did she have a death wish? Did she know what those things could do? I sure as hell didn’t, and I didn’t want to know, either. Aleth swore loudly and unsheathed his black blade, running after the woman. I probably should have done the same, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t bring myself to inch any closer to those things… as I stared harder at them, it was almost like they started to form eyes, little white lights glaring back at me.
I started to panic. What do I do? What do I do? The question went off over and over again in my mind until I was getting dizzy. I watched Gabriella lunge for one of the black masses, and then disappear into the pass, and Aleth gazed back at me before chasing after her. Disappearing also. Vanishing. Leaving me. I was alone. I had no clue what to do… I didn’t under any circumstances want to go into that pass, not after seeing the ardoks line up like they had. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was being a coward.
What was my problem? Why did I always do this? I tried to tell myself I was tough shit, yeah, and I tried to act like it, too… but I put my tail between my legs all too often. Why? I couldn’t tell you. Maybe I just wanted everyone to think they were in good hands with me. Yeah right… that’s giving myself way too much credit.
There were at least three more ardoks outside the pass, waiting for me to make a move. My hands were too shaky to draw my sword, or god help me, my gun, so I just went silently forward, my hands at my sides. The masses watched me, but surprisingly did nothing to stop me or attack me. They let me through, and then vanished once I was in their territory. Everything was dark and cold; I could’ve sworn it was nighttime, or at least evening. My eyes quickly adjusted, however, and immediately, I knew there was something wrong.
Gabriella was motionless on the ground, and Aleth was fighting furiously, his blade having no effect on the ardoks. What was wrong with Gabriella? Why wasn’t she getting up? The ardoks surrounded Aleth, extending long, shadowy limbs that I could hardly distinguish from the darkness, and my brother had nowhere to go. Four of the creatures closed in around him, and I saw him fall to his knees.
“A… Aleth?” The air didn’t carry my words. The ardoks kept him still, waiting for the fifth one that emerged from the trees. It was considerably larger than the others, with long wisps of nothingness rising from it like flames. As its eyes – more hateful than anything I’d ever seen – came into sight, I felt like the whole forest became some vortex of Hell. Every negative emotion built up inside me just magnified, and I slipped into delirium, gnawing on my fingers and trembling. I was scared, I couldn’t tell what was going on anymore, but I knew Aleth was in trouble. I couldn’t move. The large ardok placed limbs on Aleth’s chest, and I could see him screaming. I couldn’t hear a damn thing, but his agony was right on his face. I wanted to help him… but my body just wouldn’t move.
Suddenly, a bright light exploded before us. It filled the entire forest, and at the light’s center, I saw the apparition of a woman. It was very faint, but she was almost saintly; waves of white hair flowing all about her, and a dress billowing beneath her like a cloud.
“Begone beings of Vengeance!” Her voice… soft, delicate, barely there… but it was strong. It held an amazing power that drove away all of the smaller ardoks. However, the problematic one still remained. It let Aleth fall to the ground in exhaustion, but then its eyes set on me. My heart nearly froze. Why couldn’t I be brave like Gabriella and Aleth had?
‘Because they welcomed you.’ Talora’s voice made me shudder. ‘You didn’t show aggression when you approached. Do you remember?’ I replayed my thoughts… and I realized that I never drew my weapons when I came down the pass. I was too scared. ‘See? They’re controlling you, expelling all the fear they can on you to keep you out of their business. They want you to just continue on and get out.’ Then why was that ardok staring at me? Did it suddenly want to take back its kind gesture? I clenched my fists, afraid.
“Stay away from me!” The air once again failed to carry my words, and a wall of silence surrounded me. The white figure went over to Aleth, leaving me. Was I to fend for myself? “Stay away!” No sound. I needed to pull away somehow… just standing there, staring, would get me killed, so I at once darted over to Gabriella’s unconscious body lying on the ground. She was on her back, and looked like she had almost laid down to nap, because her hands were folded neatly over her stomach, and a very content look was on her face. How could she be sleeping at a time like this?
Then, I noticed the problem. She wasn’t asleep. She… she was dead. There was a large, clean hole bore right in her chest. I hadn’t noticed it because there was no blood… just a black hole going straight through her body. She wasn’t breathing, or moving, or even giving me that smile consciously. I could have prevented that.
I could have prevented her death. It was my fault. It was my fault that I didn’t run to save her. I stood from kneeling at her side, but I couldn’t feel any part of myself anymore. I was numb. Killing unlawful things was something I could get over, but I would never live this down. Gabriella was lying there at my feet, dead, because of me.
The lord of the ardoks neared me again, but I welcomed it. I could hardly care anymore, things were so terrible. An innocent friend was dead. I could feel a cold vacuum pulling at me, and I saw that it was indeed the black mass. The ardoks created their own vortex of absence wherever they moved. Maybe that’s what I did, too. I killed Gabriella. The ardok stopped just before me, its eyes staring coldly. From the other side of the pass, I could see Aleth and the glowing woman horrified. I needed to die… then I wouldn’t be such a hassle anymore. I looked up at the ardok and frowned.
“Why did you do it?” To my surprise, my words actually came, though very faintly. “Why did you kill her?” It then spoke to me in a low, scratchy wail.
“Is that not what she wanted to do to us?” Suddenly, there was an icy wind, and the ardok started to back away from me, leaving me there in confusion, my dementia creeping back up on me.
“Ryou! We need to leave, now!” the glowing woman yelled. I then found out why – more black masses were emerging from the trees, and there were an alarming number of them. But I wasn’t going anywhere, not without Gabriella. I didn’t care if she was alive or not, I wouldn’t leave her to rot in such a god forsaken place. The glowing woman took Aleth’s hand and ran, disappearing at the end of the trail, and for a moment, I thought I was left for dead.
Until something shocking to my memory appeared before me – a dire wolf as silver as the moon. It was absolutely beautiful… almost ethereal. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, and he didn’t leave me any time to, either, kneeling just enough for me to mount him with Gabriella. I sat her limp form in front of me and held onto the wolf’s shoulders as tightly as I could. I gave one last look to the ardok lord before I was carried off into darkness.
If only I could have saved Gabriella… why was I always faltering? I was strong, and I was supposed to be someone people depended on. What if Gabriella had been depending on me? Goddess, I had let her down… she didn’t deserve to die. She had done nothing but try to help, because she cared about me, and she cared about Allanis. She just didn’t want anyone to get hurt.
The wolf brought me out of Ardok Pass, into the late afternoon sunlight and Davrkton outskirts, and I realized there were tears on my face. I could feel them running down my cheeks… why was I always proving what a horrible person I was? I hoped so much to find the redhead suddenly awake and smiling, joking about what a close call that was. There had to be something I could do. The wolf slowed his pace until I saw the glowing woman soaring at my side, holding onto my brother who was just as white and ethereal as she was. I supposed it was some strange ability of hers, and didn’t ask questions. I didn’t feel like it. I had had enough experiences during my short run away from home.
Aleth locked eyes with me, however. He was trying to look into them, he was trying to find some sense of emotion in them – I wasn’t stupid. I knew what the look meant. I would’ve given him some reassurance that I was okay, but I was having problems believing it myself. I didn’t belong here. I didn’t think I belonged anywhere, not even with this band of outcasts Aleth was taking me to. I was alone with a crazy woman’s voice inside my head, and my hesitation brought trouble and death to everyone I knew.
Unless I gave in to my cravings.
Then I was strong, fearless, and bloodthirsty. But… that was just as bad as what I was now. Still, I had to do something before the guilt I felt killed me. It was just never enough. There always had to be more.
I stared back at Aleth, doing everything I could to keep him from reading me. I stared at him and his young face, a face that had no place where it was. It should be home, going over school studies before dinner, and afterwards playing games with brothers and sisters, and taking care of the animals before bed. He would’ve been so well off had I not ruined things for him. Some nice girl would’ve appeared to warm his heart – and it wouldn’t be hard for him, as he was the classic tall, dark, and handsome type – and he could’ve been happy.
Happy.
I should make it my ambition. The wind tossed my hair around, whipping my face as the wolf sped up, and the red curls of Gabriella’s were like seas of blood, drenching me… I tried to keep the tears from getting any worse. I had done wrong, and I needed to learn from my mistakes… my hands were beginning to show so many red stains, if I didn’t get taken in by the Dark Sweep, I would surely be taken in for homicide.
After all, it was my fault, right? I was responsible, wasn’t I?
At that moment, I wished I could hear what Aleth was thinking. I wanted to know what he thought of me, I wanted to know everything… and I couldn’t bring myself to simply ask. I wanted to know if he loved me, or if he hated me for the things I was doing. Did he love me, despite how I had wronged him and turned him into an outcast? I loved him… and I wish I had been doing more to show it. He needed someone to love him, and I just kept letting him down. When was I going to learn?
We came to a small complex still on the outskirts. There was a decently kept garden and an acre of pomegranate trees surrounding a brick building that almost resembled one of the manors in Suradia. But it was too small and shabby to be one of those. In fact, it almost looked like a ruse. The actual meat of the building was probably underground. Once we skirted past the trees, the wolf kneeled down at an old garden bench. The ride was awful nice while it lasted.
I stepped down onto the creaky bench seat, carefully holding Gabriella’s body, and looked closer at my savior. He was the exact same wolf from my dream, and I almost reached out to caress him, but held back. Surely that would’ve been demeaning.
“Aleth, let’s get you to Talana’s.” It was that woman, again. I turned around, and sure enough, her and Aleth were right behind me. He was back to his solid, opaque form again, but his head was drenched in sweat and I thought he was going to topple over, he looked so weak.
“No, no Eidi, I’m fine…”
“Aleth!” I was glad to see that he wasn’t dead, too. Quickly, I laid Gabriella down on the bench and ran up to him, grabbing one of his clammy hands. “Are you okay? You look like you need to rest. Maybe you—”
He wrapped his arms around me and gave me the tightest embrace I’ve ever felt. And Lazarus gave some pretty damn good bear hugs.
“I can’t believe we made it out of there… are you alright?” I pulled myself away, just to get a breath of air, really, as the hug itself didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. I enjoyed being close to him… it almost made up for the isolation I felt from my other siblings.
“I’m just a little shaken. But you look terrible… are you alright?”
“He’s not.” The woman put her hands on her hips. “Aleth, go see Talana; she’ll take care of you. Don’t worry about your sister. You know Ryou and I will get her situated.” How did she know who I was? That question quickly disappeared though, when I watched the dire wolf shift slowly to a humanoid shape. I fell in love with his beauty all over again. Long silver hair reached his waist, and a lean, lanky body and long face approached.
“I should probably help him there. Looks a bit like he’d fall over on his own, doesn’t it?” I couldn’t keep myself from blushing. Even though he didn’t smell that great – remarkably like a wet dog – his voice was slow and had a deep melody. Music to my ears. I was absolutely enchanted.
“Then Aleth, I will situate your sister and Ryou will take you to Talana’s. Take all the time you need to rest. The superiors won’t be back for awhile.” He decided to relent, and walked away with the beautiful wolf-man, into a back patio door.
“Take care, Tizzy.” I felt like crying all over again, and my breath was taken away.
“Bye,” I said. Whispered. But was he too far away to hear me? I hoped he heard me. I wanted him to know that I would miss him.
“Everything will be okay.” The woman’s voice sent goosebumps down my spine, and I suddenly started crying. I couldn’t hold it back. This woman, this beautiful apparition, she came to me and put a hand on my shoulder.
“I let someone die today! I almost let Aleth die, too! I’m terrible, I don’t deserve to be here! I’m just letting people down!” I was always saying and thinking the same things…
“It’s okay,” the woman told me. I was sobbing uncontrollably. “You’re trying. You have a lot on your plate, and no one should blame you for your mistakes. Everyone makes them.”
‘Everyone makes mistakes.’
Allanis…
“Hey! Come on, it’s okay! You don’t have to cry!” I was on the ground by then, pounding it with my fists and ripping out tufts of grass. The woman rubbed my back, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t comfort me a little bit. “Come on, it’s alright. What’s your name?” I hiccupped and looked up at her.
“Tizzy.”
“My name is Eidolon, but most people call me Eidi around here. Let’s get you cleaned up, alright? Then we can go see how Aleth is.”
“What about Gabriella?” Eidolon looked over to my dead companion with a frown, and it took everything I had to hold back more tears. She was gone. The same soft, complacent look was on her face, like nothing was wrong. Like nothing had hurt. Like she wasn’t angry with me.
“We’ll clean her up too, and find a nice place to put her to rest. How does that sound?” Like Aleth, this woman was overbearingly kind. Were people being that way because they were afraid of me? No… no, please, I thought, I didn’t want it to be like that. Hopefully it was genuine… I would start appreciating it if it was genuine, and that was the promise that I then made with myself.
“I would like that,” I said. “She meant a lot to me.” Eidolon suddenly had a look of hesitation on her face, and gently, she floated over to the redhead’s body, gentle vermilion eyes surveying her, then me.
“If it would make you feel any better, I could tell you what her last thoughts were.” My face was dumbfound, and I knew this because Eidi felt the need to elaborate. “Sandroya wants me because of my abilities. I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that… well, I’m a ghost. After all, I’m not even on the Physical Plane anymore. When people die, I can reanimate their bodies until their spirit passes through the Summerland, and access the last thoughts going through their mind.”
I seriously debated this option. I wanted so bad to know whether or not she felt that I had let her down. It was a selfish desire, good for only my own conscience, but I wanted it so bad. Then there was that other side of me, telling me that I knew better. Gabriella’s thoughts belonged to her, and I had no right to break into her mind to get them. Sadly.
“N-no… I appreciate the offer, but no thank you.” Those words hurt so bad coming out, but Eidolon seemed to understand.
I was given a small, decently furnished room on the first story of the building, and a place to bathe. Eidolon took my clothes and said she’d bring them back clean, and in the meantime, I could wear something out of the guest closet. So, since Davrkton wasn’t the warmest place on the planet, I took to wearing a long gray sweater, wool and angora-hair I think, with a corset – for the first time actually admiring my slight figure – and fished out some thick trousers. It was relaxing to wear something clean and new, and most of my clothes I had had for years. The only exception was a pair of boots. I was terrible at taking care of shoes, so they had to be replaced every year.
I looked out of the window of my new room, trying to fathom a few things. What was going to become of me? Were the people here going to help me fight my identity, or fight me to accept it? I thought I at least owed it to my family to try to stay as respectably human as possible. Right? Hell, who knew anymore… then, as my thoughts were turning somber again, something caught the corner of my eye. I turned to face the doorway, and sitting there plainly was a cat. Nothing too special. Just a cat. It looked slightly domesticated, but I could tell it had feral roots by the black tips pointing from its ears. A dark brown spotted coat gleamed in the hallway light, and blue eyes froze on me. Was this another resident of the “convoy”?
“Hello, kitty.” It didn’t seem pleased with me, but when it started walking away, I was inclined to follow. Something about that cat was almost commanding me.
‘I am your Blood Father.’ I couldn’t talk. The cat’s voice was that of an old man, playing in my head, telling me… he was my Blood Father?
“You turned me!” The feline stopped in his tracks. “You did this to me! It was you, wasn’t it? You’re the Father!” He gave me a look as dry as my own and kept walking.
‘I could have let them bury you.’ I almost wish he would have, all those years ago. But I couldn’t say that, not now. Something as prestigious as the Father of Nightwalkers could probably kill me just as easily as he had given me life.
“Where are we going... Father?” It felt awkward saying that, but I didn’t know how else to make it out. He was obviously someone I needed to show respect to, right? So “cat” just didn’t cut it.
‘Many people around here simply call me ‘Mynx’. You may do so if you wish.’ Well, I didn’t wish. He was responsible for my turmoil, and for Aleth’s. The least I could do was make snidely respectful remarks. Mockery and sarcasm were my finely crafted weapons. ‘We’re going to see your friend.’
“Aleth?”
‘No. The dead one.’ The reality of that stung. But we went out into the backyard, by the trees, where Gabriella was lying on a stone slab, cleaned up and dressed in a long black gown. She was ready to be buried. All I could do was stare and bite back my sobs. She was so beautiful, those sunset waves beaming her personality to the world.
“I’m to blame for this, aren’t I?” I didn’t get an answer, and I didn’t expect one. I could almost hear Talora in the back of my head telling me to quit blaming myself for others’ misfortunes and to stop feeling sorry for myself.
‘This mistake can be erased. I will erase it for you, if you can be sure it’s what you want.’ I looked at him like he was crazy. Was he talking about what I thought he was talking about? He wasn’t going to… to turn her, was he? Of course that’s what he was going to do… that’s what he had done to me. I was his “child”. Why wouldn’t he do something like that for a friend of mine?
It would be a second chance for Gabriella – no, a second chance for myself, not to screw up again. She could be part of the convoy, she could stay with Aleth and I. It would be life again.
But doing that would take away her chance of having a natural, human death. She would be plagued by immortality and cravings and horrible thoughts that always went through my mind about the same predicament. What would she have wanted? Would she want to stay dead, going through Death’s motions and respecting the circle of life, or did she long to live? What if there were so many things in her life that she never got to fulfill? I stared at Mynx, my face blank.
“I…”
It was almost as if the sky itself darkened, but I knew that wasn’t possible. Was it? Feelings like hate, fear, revenge, and agony – the ones I try my hardest to keep earthed – suddenly started to take over. Something bad was coming, something bad was coming…
Aleth and Gabriella locked eyes, and I could feel some sort of tacit argument taking place. “Come on!” I wanted to say. “Come on, we’ve got to go!” As it grew colder and darker, they stood still, glaring at each other. Did they think time was something we had an excess of? My heart started to pound so hard, it hurt.
“Run!” Aleth finally told the redhead. Indignantly, she shook her head.
“No! Are you crazy? I’m going to help you through that pass!” If there was to be any helping, all arguments would have to be terminated immediately.
“We’ll be fine if we just run! But Gabriella, we can’t put you in anymore danger; we’ve done it enough! Just start on y—”
“No! If I’m gonna go, then promise me you two will take a safer route!” I wanted to lie to her. I wanted to tell her that we would, and then go behind her back and go down the pass anyway.
“Gabriella, we can’t do that! If we took any other route, it would take us another day to reach Davrkton! This is the fastest way. We can’t afford to waste anymore time!” The redhead looked infuriated, and I didn’t blame her. She just wanted to help, right? But when I turned around to gaze down the pass I was having second thoughts about, third, fourth, and “no way’s” came. Several shadowy figures had lined up on the very edge of the thickening trees. They had no definite shape, and just floated there, almost billowing about. Were these ardoks?
Much to our horror, Gabriella slipped on her knuckledusters and ran head first into battle. Did she have a death wish? Did she know what those things could do? I sure as hell didn’t, and I didn’t want to know, either. Aleth swore loudly and unsheathed his black blade, running after the woman. I probably should have done the same, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t bring myself to inch any closer to those things… as I stared harder at them, it was almost like they started to form eyes, little white lights glaring back at me.
I started to panic. What do I do? What do I do? The question went off over and over again in my mind until I was getting dizzy. I watched Gabriella lunge for one of the black masses, and then disappear into the pass, and Aleth gazed back at me before chasing after her. Disappearing also. Vanishing. Leaving me. I was alone. I had no clue what to do… I didn’t under any circumstances want to go into that pass, not after seeing the ardoks line up like they had. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was being a coward.
What was my problem? Why did I always do this? I tried to tell myself I was tough shit, yeah, and I tried to act like it, too… but I put my tail between my legs all too often. Why? I couldn’t tell you. Maybe I just wanted everyone to think they were in good hands with me. Yeah right… that’s giving myself way too much credit.
There were at least three more ardoks outside the pass, waiting for me to make a move. My hands were too shaky to draw my sword, or god help me, my gun, so I just went silently forward, my hands at my sides. The masses watched me, but surprisingly did nothing to stop me or attack me. They let me through, and then vanished once I was in their territory. Everything was dark and cold; I could’ve sworn it was nighttime, or at least evening. My eyes quickly adjusted, however, and immediately, I knew there was something wrong.
Gabriella was motionless on the ground, and Aleth was fighting furiously, his blade having no effect on the ardoks. What was wrong with Gabriella? Why wasn’t she getting up? The ardoks surrounded Aleth, extending long, shadowy limbs that I could hardly distinguish from the darkness, and my brother had nowhere to go. Four of the creatures closed in around him, and I saw him fall to his knees.
“A… Aleth?” The air didn’t carry my words. The ardoks kept him still, waiting for the fifth one that emerged from the trees. It was considerably larger than the others, with long wisps of nothingness rising from it like flames. As its eyes – more hateful than anything I’d ever seen – came into sight, I felt like the whole forest became some vortex of Hell. Every negative emotion built up inside me just magnified, and I slipped into delirium, gnawing on my fingers and trembling. I was scared, I couldn’t tell what was going on anymore, but I knew Aleth was in trouble. I couldn’t move. The large ardok placed limbs on Aleth’s chest, and I could see him screaming. I couldn’t hear a damn thing, but his agony was right on his face. I wanted to help him… but my body just wouldn’t move.
Suddenly, a bright light exploded before us. It filled the entire forest, and at the light’s center, I saw the apparition of a woman. It was very faint, but she was almost saintly; waves of white hair flowing all about her, and a dress billowing beneath her like a cloud.
“Begone beings of Vengeance!” Her voice… soft, delicate, barely there… but it was strong. It held an amazing power that drove away all of the smaller ardoks. However, the problematic one still remained. It let Aleth fall to the ground in exhaustion, but then its eyes set on me. My heart nearly froze. Why couldn’t I be brave like Gabriella and Aleth had?
‘Because they welcomed you.’ Talora’s voice made me shudder. ‘You didn’t show aggression when you approached. Do you remember?’ I replayed my thoughts… and I realized that I never drew my weapons when I came down the pass. I was too scared. ‘See? They’re controlling you, expelling all the fear they can on you to keep you out of their business. They want you to just continue on and get out.’ Then why was that ardok staring at me? Did it suddenly want to take back its kind gesture? I clenched my fists, afraid.
“Stay away from me!” The air once again failed to carry my words, and a wall of silence surrounded me. The white figure went over to Aleth, leaving me. Was I to fend for myself? “Stay away!” No sound. I needed to pull away somehow… just standing there, staring, would get me killed, so I at once darted over to Gabriella’s unconscious body lying on the ground. She was on her back, and looked like she had almost laid down to nap, because her hands were folded neatly over her stomach, and a very content look was on her face. How could she be sleeping at a time like this?
Then, I noticed the problem. She wasn’t asleep. She… she was dead. There was a large, clean hole bore right in her chest. I hadn’t noticed it because there was no blood… just a black hole going straight through her body. She wasn’t breathing, or moving, or even giving me that smile consciously. I could have prevented that.
I could have prevented her death. It was my fault. It was my fault that I didn’t run to save her. I stood from kneeling at her side, but I couldn’t feel any part of myself anymore. I was numb. Killing unlawful things was something I could get over, but I would never live this down. Gabriella was lying there at my feet, dead, because of me.
The lord of the ardoks neared me again, but I welcomed it. I could hardly care anymore, things were so terrible. An innocent friend was dead. I could feel a cold vacuum pulling at me, and I saw that it was indeed the black mass. The ardoks created their own vortex of absence wherever they moved. Maybe that’s what I did, too. I killed Gabriella. The ardok stopped just before me, its eyes staring coldly. From the other side of the pass, I could see Aleth and the glowing woman horrified. I needed to die… then I wouldn’t be such a hassle anymore. I looked up at the ardok and frowned.
“Why did you do it?” To my surprise, my words actually came, though very faintly. “Why did you kill her?” It then spoke to me in a low, scratchy wail.
“Is that not what she wanted to do to us?” Suddenly, there was an icy wind, and the ardok started to back away from me, leaving me there in confusion, my dementia creeping back up on me.
“Ryou! We need to leave, now!” the glowing woman yelled. I then found out why – more black masses were emerging from the trees, and there were an alarming number of them. But I wasn’t going anywhere, not without Gabriella. I didn’t care if she was alive or not, I wouldn’t leave her to rot in such a god forsaken place. The glowing woman took Aleth’s hand and ran, disappearing at the end of the trail, and for a moment, I thought I was left for dead.
Until something shocking to my memory appeared before me – a dire wolf as silver as the moon. It was absolutely beautiful… almost ethereal. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, and he didn’t leave me any time to, either, kneeling just enough for me to mount him with Gabriella. I sat her limp form in front of me and held onto the wolf’s shoulders as tightly as I could. I gave one last look to the ardok lord before I was carried off into darkness.
If only I could have saved Gabriella… why was I always faltering? I was strong, and I was supposed to be someone people depended on. What if Gabriella had been depending on me? Goddess, I had let her down… she didn’t deserve to die. She had done nothing but try to help, because she cared about me, and she cared about Allanis. She just didn’t want anyone to get hurt.
The wolf brought me out of Ardok Pass, into the late afternoon sunlight and Davrkton outskirts, and I realized there were tears on my face. I could feel them running down my cheeks… why was I always proving what a horrible person I was? I hoped so much to find the redhead suddenly awake and smiling, joking about what a close call that was. There had to be something I could do. The wolf slowed his pace until I saw the glowing woman soaring at my side, holding onto my brother who was just as white and ethereal as she was. I supposed it was some strange ability of hers, and didn’t ask questions. I didn’t feel like it. I had had enough experiences during my short run away from home.
Aleth locked eyes with me, however. He was trying to look into them, he was trying to find some sense of emotion in them – I wasn’t stupid. I knew what the look meant. I would’ve given him some reassurance that I was okay, but I was having problems believing it myself. I didn’t belong here. I didn’t think I belonged anywhere, not even with this band of outcasts Aleth was taking me to. I was alone with a crazy woman’s voice inside my head, and my hesitation brought trouble and death to everyone I knew.
Unless I gave in to my cravings.
Then I was strong, fearless, and bloodthirsty. But… that was just as bad as what I was now. Still, I had to do something before the guilt I felt killed me. It was just never enough. There always had to be more.
I stared back at Aleth, doing everything I could to keep him from reading me. I stared at him and his young face, a face that had no place where it was. It should be home, going over school studies before dinner, and afterwards playing games with brothers and sisters, and taking care of the animals before bed. He would’ve been so well off had I not ruined things for him. Some nice girl would’ve appeared to warm his heart – and it wouldn’t be hard for him, as he was the classic tall, dark, and handsome type – and he could’ve been happy.
Happy.
I should make it my ambition. The wind tossed my hair around, whipping my face as the wolf sped up, and the red curls of Gabriella’s were like seas of blood, drenching me… I tried to keep the tears from getting any worse. I had done wrong, and I needed to learn from my mistakes… my hands were beginning to show so many red stains, if I didn’t get taken in by the Dark Sweep, I would surely be taken in for homicide.
After all, it was my fault, right? I was responsible, wasn’t I?
At that moment, I wished I could hear what Aleth was thinking. I wanted to know what he thought of me, I wanted to know everything… and I couldn’t bring myself to simply ask. I wanted to know if he loved me, or if he hated me for the things I was doing. Did he love me, despite how I had wronged him and turned him into an outcast? I loved him… and I wish I had been doing more to show it. He needed someone to love him, and I just kept letting him down. When was I going to learn?
We came to a small complex still on the outskirts. There was a decently kept garden and an acre of pomegranate trees surrounding a brick building that almost resembled one of the manors in Suradia. But it was too small and shabby to be one of those. In fact, it almost looked like a ruse. The actual meat of the building was probably underground. Once we skirted past the trees, the wolf kneeled down at an old garden bench. The ride was awful nice while it lasted.
I stepped down onto the creaky bench seat, carefully holding Gabriella’s body, and looked closer at my savior. He was the exact same wolf from my dream, and I almost reached out to caress him, but held back. Surely that would’ve been demeaning.
“Aleth, let’s get you to Talana’s.” It was that woman, again. I turned around, and sure enough, her and Aleth were right behind me. He was back to his solid, opaque form again, but his head was drenched in sweat and I thought he was going to topple over, he looked so weak.
“No, no Eidi, I’m fine…”
“Aleth!” I was glad to see that he wasn’t dead, too. Quickly, I laid Gabriella down on the bench and ran up to him, grabbing one of his clammy hands. “Are you okay? You look like you need to rest. Maybe you—”
He wrapped his arms around me and gave me the tightest embrace I’ve ever felt. And Lazarus gave some pretty damn good bear hugs.
“I can’t believe we made it out of there… are you alright?” I pulled myself away, just to get a breath of air, really, as the hug itself didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. I enjoyed being close to him… it almost made up for the isolation I felt from my other siblings.
“I’m just a little shaken. But you look terrible… are you alright?”
“He’s not.” The woman put her hands on her hips. “Aleth, go see Talana; she’ll take care of you. Don’t worry about your sister. You know Ryou and I will get her situated.” How did she know who I was? That question quickly disappeared though, when I watched the dire wolf shift slowly to a humanoid shape. I fell in love with his beauty all over again. Long silver hair reached his waist, and a lean, lanky body and long face approached.
“I should probably help him there. Looks a bit like he’d fall over on his own, doesn’t it?” I couldn’t keep myself from blushing. Even though he didn’t smell that great – remarkably like a wet dog – his voice was slow and had a deep melody. Music to my ears. I was absolutely enchanted.
“Then Aleth, I will situate your sister and Ryou will take you to Talana’s. Take all the time you need to rest. The superiors won’t be back for awhile.” He decided to relent, and walked away with the beautiful wolf-man, into a back patio door.
“Take care, Tizzy.” I felt like crying all over again, and my breath was taken away.
“Bye,” I said. Whispered. But was he too far away to hear me? I hoped he heard me. I wanted him to know that I would miss him.
“Everything will be okay.” The woman’s voice sent goosebumps down my spine, and I suddenly started crying. I couldn’t hold it back. This woman, this beautiful apparition, she came to me and put a hand on my shoulder.
“I let someone die today! I almost let Aleth die, too! I’m terrible, I don’t deserve to be here! I’m just letting people down!” I was always saying and thinking the same things…
“It’s okay,” the woman told me. I was sobbing uncontrollably. “You’re trying. You have a lot on your plate, and no one should blame you for your mistakes. Everyone makes them.”
‘Everyone makes mistakes.’
Allanis…
“Hey! Come on, it’s okay! You don’t have to cry!” I was on the ground by then, pounding it with my fists and ripping out tufts of grass. The woman rubbed my back, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t comfort me a little bit. “Come on, it’s alright. What’s your name?” I hiccupped and looked up at her.
“Tizzy.”
“My name is Eidolon, but most people call me Eidi around here. Let’s get you cleaned up, alright? Then we can go see how Aleth is.”
“What about Gabriella?” Eidolon looked over to my dead companion with a frown, and it took everything I had to hold back more tears. She was gone. The same soft, complacent look was on her face, like nothing was wrong. Like nothing had hurt. Like she wasn’t angry with me.
“We’ll clean her up too, and find a nice place to put her to rest. How does that sound?” Like Aleth, this woman was overbearingly kind. Were people being that way because they were afraid of me? No… no, please, I thought, I didn’t want it to be like that. Hopefully it was genuine… I would start appreciating it if it was genuine, and that was the promise that I then made with myself.
“I would like that,” I said. “She meant a lot to me.” Eidolon suddenly had a look of hesitation on her face, and gently, she floated over to the redhead’s body, gentle vermilion eyes surveying her, then me.
“If it would make you feel any better, I could tell you what her last thoughts were.” My face was dumbfound, and I knew this because Eidi felt the need to elaborate. “Sandroya wants me because of my abilities. I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that… well, I’m a ghost. After all, I’m not even on the Physical Plane anymore. When people die, I can reanimate their bodies until their spirit passes through the Summerland, and access the last thoughts going through their mind.”
I seriously debated this option. I wanted so bad to know whether or not she felt that I had let her down. It was a selfish desire, good for only my own conscience, but I wanted it so bad. Then there was that other side of me, telling me that I knew better. Gabriella’s thoughts belonged to her, and I had no right to break into her mind to get them. Sadly.
“N-no… I appreciate the offer, but no thank you.” Those words hurt so bad coming out, but Eidolon seemed to understand.
I was given a small, decently furnished room on the first story of the building, and a place to bathe. Eidolon took my clothes and said she’d bring them back clean, and in the meantime, I could wear something out of the guest closet. So, since Davrkton wasn’t the warmest place on the planet, I took to wearing a long gray sweater, wool and angora-hair I think, with a corset – for the first time actually admiring my slight figure – and fished out some thick trousers. It was relaxing to wear something clean and new, and most of my clothes I had had for years. The only exception was a pair of boots. I was terrible at taking care of shoes, so they had to be replaced every year.
I looked out of the window of my new room, trying to fathom a few things. What was going to become of me? Were the people here going to help me fight my identity, or fight me to accept it? I thought I at least owed it to my family to try to stay as respectably human as possible. Right? Hell, who knew anymore… then, as my thoughts were turning somber again, something caught the corner of my eye. I turned to face the doorway, and sitting there plainly was a cat. Nothing too special. Just a cat. It looked slightly domesticated, but I could tell it had feral roots by the black tips pointing from its ears. A dark brown spotted coat gleamed in the hallway light, and blue eyes froze on me. Was this another resident of the “convoy”?
“Hello, kitty.” It didn’t seem pleased with me, but when it started walking away, I was inclined to follow. Something about that cat was almost commanding me.
‘I am your Blood Father.’ I couldn’t talk. The cat’s voice was that of an old man, playing in my head, telling me… he was my Blood Father?
“You turned me!” The feline stopped in his tracks. “You did this to me! It was you, wasn’t it? You’re the Father!” He gave me a look as dry as my own and kept walking.
‘I could have let them bury you.’ I almost wish he would have, all those years ago. But I couldn’t say that, not now. Something as prestigious as the Father of Nightwalkers could probably kill me just as easily as he had given me life.
“Where are we going... Father?” It felt awkward saying that, but I didn’t know how else to make it out. He was obviously someone I needed to show respect to, right? So “cat” just didn’t cut it.
‘Many people around here simply call me ‘Mynx’. You may do so if you wish.’ Well, I didn’t wish. He was responsible for my turmoil, and for Aleth’s. The least I could do was make snidely respectful remarks. Mockery and sarcasm were my finely crafted weapons. ‘We’re going to see your friend.’
“Aleth?”
‘No. The dead one.’ The reality of that stung. But we went out into the backyard, by the trees, where Gabriella was lying on a stone slab, cleaned up and dressed in a long black gown. She was ready to be buried. All I could do was stare and bite back my sobs. She was so beautiful, those sunset waves beaming her personality to the world.
“I’m to blame for this, aren’t I?” I didn’t get an answer, and I didn’t expect one. I could almost hear Talora in the back of my head telling me to quit blaming myself for others’ misfortunes and to stop feeling sorry for myself.
‘This mistake can be erased. I will erase it for you, if you can be sure it’s what you want.’ I looked at him like he was crazy. Was he talking about what I thought he was talking about? He wasn’t going to… to turn her, was he? Of course that’s what he was going to do… that’s what he had done to me. I was his “child”. Why wouldn’t he do something like that for a friend of mine?
It would be a second chance for Gabriella – no, a second chance for myself, not to screw up again. She could be part of the convoy, she could stay with Aleth and I. It would be life again.
But doing that would take away her chance of having a natural, human death. She would be plagued by immortality and cravings and horrible thoughts that always went through my mind about the same predicament. What would she have wanted? Would she want to stay dead, going through Death’s motions and respecting the circle of life, or did she long to live? What if there were so many things in her life that she never got to fulfill? I stared at Mynx, my face blank.
“I…”
