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Post by Lady Hammer on Sept 20, 2007 11:17:41 GMT -5
Yeah it's a little repetitive in some areas, but I think you know where if you plan to rewrite it. But anyway, I found one sentence that was off.
"Three creatures, a rabbit named Cotton, sister of Queen Larcia, a cat named Smokey, and a mouse named Kristen."
There was nothing before it telling how Cloverbud met people or how she was saved. This was just a random interjection explaining nothing but the names of random people. Maybe add something to it to make it less pointless:
"Then, a few others came to my rescue. Three creatures," she started, pointing them out on each finger of her paw as she went along, "a rabbit named Cotton, sister of Queen Larcia; a cat named Smokey; a mouse named Kristen."
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