Post by hikairi on Jun 14, 2007 21:22:19 GMT -5
A World Without You
Prologue-
I threw my bag from the second-story window as silently as possible, although it still landed with a solid thunk. I had packed light, just as we had agreed on doing. I took one last glance into my bright bedroom, with my stuffed animals, photo albums, iPod, wardrobe- everything I ever took for granted. That was all behind me now, all left in luxury. My leg slid over the wooden sill, attracting a sliver as it went. I must have hesitated, because they urged me on from somewhere in the darkness.
“Now or never, Alice.” I recognized James’ velvety voice.
Oh, god. Here come the tears. I bit the inside of my cheek in protection against them. Of course, it wasn’t really the sliver that made me such a wreck, but why my friends and I were doing in the first place. I may never see this house again, or any of my family, friends, average surroundings- all gone. My teeth clenched as I pulled the long, thin strip of wood out of my jeans very slowly in order to stay on this sill for as long as possible. It represented two distinct choices that had to be made. One- stay here and be safe, but not safe to anyone at all. Two- jump out of this bedroom window, jump into something I wasn’t ready to except, jump into what should be the riskiest adventure of my life.
“Alice! Hurry! We’ve got to do this now.” That was Mariette, my dear friend Mariette. I could trust her.
She’s right. Totally, utterly right. Or so at least I told myself.
I allowed myself to fall and blend with the night waiting me below.
Part One- Secrets Are Made To Be Found Out
1.
My heart pumped hard in my ears as I tried to calm myself down. I inhaled. I exhaled. I inhaled again, but frankly it wasn’t helping at all. I pivoted my head towards the vacuum and examined all the obvious things, but no, it was not plugged in, and I was pretty sure vacuum cleaners did not run on batteries. And as far as I knew, I wasn’t on drugs.
Although I was beginning to question everything I ate that might’ve been spiked.
Okay, there has to be an explanation for this. I turned my body to face it and pushed myself off the couch.
“Alice Kaitlin!” My mother shouted from somewhere downstairs. “Are you done yet?” I cringed at the impatience in her voice. Just then Matt bounced up the stairs with an eager look on his face.
“What?” I snarled, putting my hands on my jeans. I love my brother, I really do, but his favorite thing to do is get me in trouble. My parents know not to pay any attention to what he says.
He swept his eyes over the dirty white carpet and unplugged vacuum and his smile broadened. I groaned inwardly. “She hasn’t even started yet!” He bellowed in his young falsetto. I took a swat at him, but he blocked it with ease. We both knew mom had no tolerance for such ‘nonsense’. Things like me not getting my chores done in time for company to come over. Matt and I both glanced over at the grandfather clock in corner of the family room, which read 4:34. He let out a whistle and I cringed even harder.
“Less than a half hour!” Mom trilled from a level below us. There was certain panic in her voice.
If I knew that some hoity-toity rich women had decided to join us for dinner I might have started cleaning earlier. Or at least I would’ve taken a shower. Couldn’t you just imagine one of them sniffing the air and cutting off her constant flow of gossip to say “So Victoria told me that- Oh, my goodness! Nicole, dear, I dare say a pig just ran through the house!” All of the other ladies would get out their handkerchiefs and sniff into them daintily. However, nobody told me they were coming until an hour ago, so I had certain right to smell all I wanted.
I’m sure that would make a great impression.
I stalked over to Matt, grabbed him by the shoulders, and practically threw him into the other room. “I’ll have it finished! Don’t worry!” I spun on my heels to face the enemy- a simple Hoover brand household appliance.
Inhale. Exhale. You have quite the imagination, Alice. I inched closer and closer until it was about three feet away. Okay, okay. Nothing has happened. I took one more step and it whirred to life and started to roll forward. I yelped and leapt back, causing it to become dead once more.
“Alice?” Her tone sounded on the verge of edgy. Why did she care so much about this bunch of snots anyway? I gulped hard and fell to my knees with my head in my hands. The white carpet threatened rug burn on every limb. “Everything is okay!” I shouted, more for me than her. My eyes decided to water just a little bit. Maybe I was scared, but not really. When I went near it a mix of emotions washed over me, practically knocking me over with their force. I could pick out fear, amazement, happiness, love, curiosity, satisfaction, and… power? I had yet to figure out the other ten hundred feelings. The vacuum gave several small whirrs, like it was trying to say something.
I whipped my head up and stared at it with new amazement, The Feeling creeping it‘s way up my legs. It felt great. I wiped the last of those few tears from my eyes. “What are you doing? Are you alive?”
It gave two blasts in response. I cocked an eyebrow.
New lows: talking to vacuum cleaners.
“Can you clean without me? Do you need me?” Apparently not, because just then it rolled around the room on full power. I watched it with my mouth wide open, my eyes fallowing every movement that it made. The Feeling took me on stronger now than ever before. I gave up and fell backwards to the floor but I kept watching. It steered itself, got the hard-to-reach spots, seemed to detect any speck of dust and immediately sucked it up. It decided to name him Hoover, a somewhat obvious name. He was much better at vacuuming than I was, although I suppose that makes sense. Hoover finished in record time (four minutes, maybe?), drove itself to my feet, and died. I stared at it for what seemed like hours in a dreamlike state.
What?
“I’m done, Mom!” I yelled. I ran to my room and slammed the door behind me. I was all of a sudden breathing quite hard, like the reality of what just happened hit me with a hammer.
“Well, what the hell? What was that? How?” I muttered under my breath as I quickly paced across the white carpet. My room wasn’t all that big, but I loved it. It was unique. No actual lights, just a lot of white Christmas lights lined the ceiling in a spiral pattern. Three white bookcases lined one side, but I don’t like reading, so one was filled with books and the other two displayed random knick knacks, pictures, and stuffed animals. The whole thing faces west and I loved to watch the sunset from the huge pop out window. There was a desk somewhere under all the junk permanently on top of it, and to the side rested a secondhand computer with actual spider webs dusting the sides.
Exhausted, I flopped on the fluffy blue comforter of my bed and grabbed Girl Loves Teddy, my precious bear. Her soft caramel-colored fur calmed me down a little bit. She’s been mine since my toddler years. Donna- the oldest child by seven years- won her at a fair after much effort. She gave it to me despite her many friends and relatives at the fair with her. I had stared at it for a while with wild wide eyes. Then I threw my tiny arms around her long legs, crying with pure joy. I can’t count how many times I thanked her for Girl Loves Teddy. Donna smiled a little, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Her expression was somewhat sad as she bent down and whispered, “I gave her to you because you are my best friend. You can look at her when you miss me because I can’t be with you always. Name her something nice.”
Donna, where are you now?
I now examined Girl Loves Bear closely, placing her so that she was about an inch away from my face. I loved how tiny she was- small enough that I could hold her in one hand. It just added to her cuteness. “Ahem,” I began, very professional “I would like to inform you, Girl Loves Teddy, that vacuum cleaners do not run on their own.” She stared at me with cheery smile as per usual. Girl Loves Teddy was not exactly a conversationalist I suppose, but she was a good listener. I brought her to my chest and nuzzled my nose into her head, breathing in her musty scent. “However, the one that shall now be known as ‘Hoover’ just cleaned up the living room on it’s own.”
“Are you crazy?” She seemed to ask. Her two blue button eyes taunted me.
“Not that I know of.” I responded very seriously. GLT snickered so soft she thought I couldn’t hear her. I glared at my stuffed friend and put her back into place by my pillow. Just then the doorbell rang. “Hell!” I cursed. Mom’s exclusive WASPy friends decided to arrive early! What ever happened to ‘fashionably late?’
“All kids will be banned from the premises as soon as the bell rings.” Dad had informed Matt and I. That’s okay, because I didn’t want to be around for some adult party with bad music. Namine, who was one of my four best friends, suggested that I go over to her house when I mentioned it one day. Mariette, my best of all best friends, decided to hang out too. Hanging out with them would be one hundred percent better than staying at home on a Saturday afternoon, party or no party.
Not having taken a shower that day I looked like crap for the most part. I ran an ‘ouchless’ brush through my dark blond hair and winced as it snagged on a tangle. I twisted it into a high ponytail at warp speed while I scrambled down stairs. My feet paused in the foyer where five extremely well-dressed ladies stood in a clump. My outfit- a simple combination of jeans and a blue t-shirt- made me feel ridiculously underdressed compared to their expensive-looking accessories. They air-kissed my mom’s cheek and complimented our “cozy home” more than once. Mom spotted me watching the action. I suppressed a laugh bubbling up somewhere inside me. Her dirty look made the feat harder.
“Sorry,” I mouthed with what I hoped to be a poker face. However, I have never once won a game of poker in my life. I gave her a playful what-can-you-do shrug. Her scowl deepened even more, causing me to giggle. Mom made frantic motions with her hands that looked like a fly buzzing around her bleached blond head, but I got that it meant ‘leave.’ You don’t have to ask me twice. A smile crept across my face until it felt as though it might crack. Seeing my modest mother surrounded by complete snobs just made me want to laugh for five years. She was so out of place here, and I wondered when she would figure that out herself.
“Have a good time, ladies.” I said, sliding past a portly woman blocking the door and into the street. Behind me I could hear their voices demanding to know who I was.
In five seconds the pleasant air conditioning abandoned me for the hot summer sun. I squinted against the heat waves bounding at me from the sidewalk. Day time irritates me. Everything is just too bright. At night everything looked so much prettier and more mysterious, like something could happen without anyone ever knowing. What happened in the day time was everyone’s business.
Namine didn’t live too far from my house- maybe an easy ten minutes on foot or five minutes on bike. I ran the whole way. I couldn’t wait to tell her all about Hoover. It would be just the type of thing to make her laugh for days, and she probably wouldn’t believe me anyway. For God’s sake, I wasn’t even sure if I believed me. I tilted my head down and gave a small chuckle as I kicked a stone. It skittered down the block and came to a temporary halt before I kicked it once again, sending it out of view. A tree offered shade near her house, so I stopped and sat underneath the protective leaves. Heat plus running four blocks had started to take it’s toll about two blocks ago. I sighed and stared out into the deserted road. A layer of zoned-out glaze coated my eyes as I leaned back against the tree’s cool white bark. What if Namine did believe me, and she thought I was just a freak or liar.?
I glared up at the sky through the tree, considering one other unimaginable possibility- what if all my friends decided to drop me right on the spot?
Maybe Namine didn’t need to know about this. I mused. After all, secrets never hurt anyone…
This secret wouldn’t hurt Nami, so I kept to myself the whole night to be extra careful as to not let it slip.
****
Eventually I told Mariette about Hoover. What I like about Mariette is that she doesn’t take things as playfully as Nami, or James or Brandon. I can actually talk to her about serious things. I think it’s because her parents taught her to be like that, serious, and had taught her not to laugh easily, and always respect what other people have to say no matter what you may think about it. It might have been sad to someone else that Mari had such fun-sucking parents. She didn’t seem to mind and it made her a little more grounded than the rest of us, one quality that I am eternally thankful for. In our group of carefree teenagers we need an anchor to the real world.
To my relief she didn’t laugh or drop me on the spot. She just studied my face for a second, looking for something that wasn’t there. I squirmed self-consciously under her scrutinizing, serious black eyes. After a minute she gave up and had told me,
“I get it.”
Weeks past without event.
The weeks fallowing Hoover were just time for the plan to develop. Not our plan, exactly- but someone else’s plan, where we had already unknowingly been selected as pawns. I wish someone had given me any warning, even if it was just a week’s warning. But that’s not what happened, and I can’t change the past.
Prologue-
I threw my bag from the second-story window as silently as possible, although it still landed with a solid thunk. I had packed light, just as we had agreed on doing. I took one last glance into my bright bedroom, with my stuffed animals, photo albums, iPod, wardrobe- everything I ever took for granted. That was all behind me now, all left in luxury. My leg slid over the wooden sill, attracting a sliver as it went. I must have hesitated, because they urged me on from somewhere in the darkness.
“Now or never, Alice.” I recognized James’ velvety voice.
Oh, god. Here come the tears. I bit the inside of my cheek in protection against them. Of course, it wasn’t really the sliver that made me such a wreck, but why my friends and I were doing in the first place. I may never see this house again, or any of my family, friends, average surroundings- all gone. My teeth clenched as I pulled the long, thin strip of wood out of my jeans very slowly in order to stay on this sill for as long as possible. It represented two distinct choices that had to be made. One- stay here and be safe, but not safe to anyone at all. Two- jump out of this bedroom window, jump into something I wasn’t ready to except, jump into what should be the riskiest adventure of my life.
“Alice! Hurry! We’ve got to do this now.” That was Mariette, my dear friend Mariette. I could trust her.
She’s right. Totally, utterly right. Or so at least I told myself.
I allowed myself to fall and blend with the night waiting me below.
Part One- Secrets Are Made To Be Found Out
1.
My heart pumped hard in my ears as I tried to calm myself down. I inhaled. I exhaled. I inhaled again, but frankly it wasn’t helping at all. I pivoted my head towards the vacuum and examined all the obvious things, but no, it was not plugged in, and I was pretty sure vacuum cleaners did not run on batteries. And as far as I knew, I wasn’t on drugs.
Although I was beginning to question everything I ate that might’ve been spiked.
Okay, there has to be an explanation for this. I turned my body to face it and pushed myself off the couch.
“Alice Kaitlin!” My mother shouted from somewhere downstairs. “Are you done yet?” I cringed at the impatience in her voice. Just then Matt bounced up the stairs with an eager look on his face.
“What?” I snarled, putting my hands on my jeans. I love my brother, I really do, but his favorite thing to do is get me in trouble. My parents know not to pay any attention to what he says.
He swept his eyes over the dirty white carpet and unplugged vacuum and his smile broadened. I groaned inwardly. “She hasn’t even started yet!” He bellowed in his young falsetto. I took a swat at him, but he blocked it with ease. We both knew mom had no tolerance for such ‘nonsense’. Things like me not getting my chores done in time for company to come over. Matt and I both glanced over at the grandfather clock in corner of the family room, which read 4:34. He let out a whistle and I cringed even harder.
“Less than a half hour!” Mom trilled from a level below us. There was certain panic in her voice.
If I knew that some hoity-toity rich women had decided to join us for dinner I might have started cleaning earlier. Or at least I would’ve taken a shower. Couldn’t you just imagine one of them sniffing the air and cutting off her constant flow of gossip to say “So Victoria told me that- Oh, my goodness! Nicole, dear, I dare say a pig just ran through the house!” All of the other ladies would get out their handkerchiefs and sniff into them daintily. However, nobody told me they were coming until an hour ago, so I had certain right to smell all I wanted.
I’m sure that would make a great impression.
I stalked over to Matt, grabbed him by the shoulders, and practically threw him into the other room. “I’ll have it finished! Don’t worry!” I spun on my heels to face the enemy- a simple Hoover brand household appliance.
Inhale. Exhale. You have quite the imagination, Alice. I inched closer and closer until it was about three feet away. Okay, okay. Nothing has happened. I took one more step and it whirred to life and started to roll forward. I yelped and leapt back, causing it to become dead once more.
“Alice?” Her tone sounded on the verge of edgy. Why did she care so much about this bunch of snots anyway? I gulped hard and fell to my knees with my head in my hands. The white carpet threatened rug burn on every limb. “Everything is okay!” I shouted, more for me than her. My eyes decided to water just a little bit. Maybe I was scared, but not really. When I went near it a mix of emotions washed over me, practically knocking me over with their force. I could pick out fear, amazement, happiness, love, curiosity, satisfaction, and… power? I had yet to figure out the other ten hundred feelings. The vacuum gave several small whirrs, like it was trying to say something.
I whipped my head up and stared at it with new amazement, The Feeling creeping it‘s way up my legs. It felt great. I wiped the last of those few tears from my eyes. “What are you doing? Are you alive?”
It gave two blasts in response. I cocked an eyebrow.
New lows: talking to vacuum cleaners.
“Can you clean without me? Do you need me?” Apparently not, because just then it rolled around the room on full power. I watched it with my mouth wide open, my eyes fallowing every movement that it made. The Feeling took me on stronger now than ever before. I gave up and fell backwards to the floor but I kept watching. It steered itself, got the hard-to-reach spots, seemed to detect any speck of dust and immediately sucked it up. It decided to name him Hoover, a somewhat obvious name. He was much better at vacuuming than I was, although I suppose that makes sense. Hoover finished in record time (four minutes, maybe?), drove itself to my feet, and died. I stared at it for what seemed like hours in a dreamlike state.
What?
“I’m done, Mom!” I yelled. I ran to my room and slammed the door behind me. I was all of a sudden breathing quite hard, like the reality of what just happened hit me with a hammer.
“Well, what the hell? What was that? How?” I muttered under my breath as I quickly paced across the white carpet. My room wasn’t all that big, but I loved it. It was unique. No actual lights, just a lot of white Christmas lights lined the ceiling in a spiral pattern. Three white bookcases lined one side, but I don’t like reading, so one was filled with books and the other two displayed random knick knacks, pictures, and stuffed animals. The whole thing faces west and I loved to watch the sunset from the huge pop out window. There was a desk somewhere under all the junk permanently on top of it, and to the side rested a secondhand computer with actual spider webs dusting the sides.
Exhausted, I flopped on the fluffy blue comforter of my bed and grabbed Girl Loves Teddy, my precious bear. Her soft caramel-colored fur calmed me down a little bit. She’s been mine since my toddler years. Donna- the oldest child by seven years- won her at a fair after much effort. She gave it to me despite her many friends and relatives at the fair with her. I had stared at it for a while with wild wide eyes. Then I threw my tiny arms around her long legs, crying with pure joy. I can’t count how many times I thanked her for Girl Loves Teddy. Donna smiled a little, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Her expression was somewhat sad as she bent down and whispered, “I gave her to you because you are my best friend. You can look at her when you miss me because I can’t be with you always. Name her something nice.”
Donna, where are you now?
I now examined Girl Loves Bear closely, placing her so that she was about an inch away from my face. I loved how tiny she was- small enough that I could hold her in one hand. It just added to her cuteness. “Ahem,” I began, very professional “I would like to inform you, Girl Loves Teddy, that vacuum cleaners do not run on their own.” She stared at me with cheery smile as per usual. Girl Loves Teddy was not exactly a conversationalist I suppose, but she was a good listener. I brought her to my chest and nuzzled my nose into her head, breathing in her musty scent. “However, the one that shall now be known as ‘Hoover’ just cleaned up the living room on it’s own.”
“Are you crazy?” She seemed to ask. Her two blue button eyes taunted me.
“Not that I know of.” I responded very seriously. GLT snickered so soft she thought I couldn’t hear her. I glared at my stuffed friend and put her back into place by my pillow. Just then the doorbell rang. “Hell!” I cursed. Mom’s exclusive WASPy friends decided to arrive early! What ever happened to ‘fashionably late?’
“All kids will be banned from the premises as soon as the bell rings.” Dad had informed Matt and I. That’s okay, because I didn’t want to be around for some adult party with bad music. Namine, who was one of my four best friends, suggested that I go over to her house when I mentioned it one day. Mariette, my best of all best friends, decided to hang out too. Hanging out with them would be one hundred percent better than staying at home on a Saturday afternoon, party or no party.
Not having taken a shower that day I looked like crap for the most part. I ran an ‘ouchless’ brush through my dark blond hair and winced as it snagged on a tangle. I twisted it into a high ponytail at warp speed while I scrambled down stairs. My feet paused in the foyer where five extremely well-dressed ladies stood in a clump. My outfit- a simple combination of jeans and a blue t-shirt- made me feel ridiculously underdressed compared to their expensive-looking accessories. They air-kissed my mom’s cheek and complimented our “cozy home” more than once. Mom spotted me watching the action. I suppressed a laugh bubbling up somewhere inside me. Her dirty look made the feat harder.
“Sorry,” I mouthed with what I hoped to be a poker face. However, I have never once won a game of poker in my life. I gave her a playful what-can-you-do shrug. Her scowl deepened even more, causing me to giggle. Mom made frantic motions with her hands that looked like a fly buzzing around her bleached blond head, but I got that it meant ‘leave.’ You don’t have to ask me twice. A smile crept across my face until it felt as though it might crack. Seeing my modest mother surrounded by complete snobs just made me want to laugh for five years. She was so out of place here, and I wondered when she would figure that out herself.
“Have a good time, ladies.” I said, sliding past a portly woman blocking the door and into the street. Behind me I could hear their voices demanding to know who I was.
In five seconds the pleasant air conditioning abandoned me for the hot summer sun. I squinted against the heat waves bounding at me from the sidewalk. Day time irritates me. Everything is just too bright. At night everything looked so much prettier and more mysterious, like something could happen without anyone ever knowing. What happened in the day time was everyone’s business.
Namine didn’t live too far from my house- maybe an easy ten minutes on foot or five minutes on bike. I ran the whole way. I couldn’t wait to tell her all about Hoover. It would be just the type of thing to make her laugh for days, and she probably wouldn’t believe me anyway. For God’s sake, I wasn’t even sure if I believed me. I tilted my head down and gave a small chuckle as I kicked a stone. It skittered down the block and came to a temporary halt before I kicked it once again, sending it out of view. A tree offered shade near her house, so I stopped and sat underneath the protective leaves. Heat plus running four blocks had started to take it’s toll about two blocks ago. I sighed and stared out into the deserted road. A layer of zoned-out glaze coated my eyes as I leaned back against the tree’s cool white bark. What if Namine did believe me, and she thought I was just a freak or liar.?
I glared up at the sky through the tree, considering one other unimaginable possibility- what if all my friends decided to drop me right on the spot?
Maybe Namine didn’t need to know about this. I mused. After all, secrets never hurt anyone…
This secret wouldn’t hurt Nami, so I kept to myself the whole night to be extra careful as to not let it slip.
****
Eventually I told Mariette about Hoover. What I like about Mariette is that she doesn’t take things as playfully as Nami, or James or Brandon. I can actually talk to her about serious things. I think it’s because her parents taught her to be like that, serious, and had taught her not to laugh easily, and always respect what other people have to say no matter what you may think about it. It might have been sad to someone else that Mari had such fun-sucking parents. She didn’t seem to mind and it made her a little more grounded than the rest of us, one quality that I am eternally thankful for. In our group of carefree teenagers we need an anchor to the real world.
To my relief she didn’t laugh or drop me on the spot. She just studied my face for a second, looking for something that wasn’t there. I squirmed self-consciously under her scrutinizing, serious black eyes. After a minute she gave up and had told me,
“I get it.”
Weeks past without event.
The weeks fallowing Hoover were just time for the plan to develop. Not our plan, exactly- but someone else’s plan, where we had already unknowingly been selected as pawns. I wish someone had given me any warning, even if it was just a week’s warning. But that’s not what happened, and I can’t change the past.
