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Post by mysteria on Apr 29, 2007 15:26:48 GMT -5
thanks guys ^^
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Post by Lady Hammer on May 4, 2007 19:24:47 GMT -5
It's rather short, and I don't really like the "cut to the chase" kind of foreshadowing at the beginning. It's too... well, "cut to the chase". I like to figure things out for myself by analyzing the personality of the characters when I read :/ But that's okay. I'm just one person. xD But I think you should make this chapter longer. FILLER WOMAN FILLER! xD Describe things more. Use your five/six senses. That's what filler is about. ^^ But otherwise, it's a good chapter. I hope when I'm giving critique I don't sound like a complete asshole. I really try to help. Should I write a little lesson on filler or something? I think you might've mentioned it before Jazzie way in the beginning of this site, but I don't remember now. But I think I might. And it'd be fun to write. ;D
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Post by thischaos on May 11, 2007 22:56:56 GMT -5
I really like the image you get at the end of this chapter. How her anger causes her to shift, and how he goes all surprised and... scared? Defensive. I like the image I see in my head. =D
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Post by mysteria on May 11, 2007 22:59:54 GMT -5
^^ Yay! lol thank you Kelly ^^
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