Post by Pilekie on Apr 12, 2007 22:26:18 GMT -5
It's kinda short, but it gives you a basic background of my main character-Arianna (Ari for short).
I do love critique- it helps me to see what I need to improve on. So if you do honor me with your thoughts, please tell me three things. 1. what you liked 2. what you didn't like and 3. what you think i should change to make it better. Any other comments are most appreciated. Thanks ;D
The sound of children playing and adults chatting drifted through the woods. In a clearing, a group of nobles and commoners alike, all dressed in their cheeriest attire, gathered for the Princess of Skye's fifth birthday celebration. The little princess played happily with her friends while the adults enjoyed soaking up the sun and talking with one another. Birds were singing all around and a brook could be heard babbling nearby.
Suddenly, soldiers in black flooded out of the woods, killing everyone in their path. The little princess cried out and could only watch in horror as her friends and family were slaughtered. Blood stained her pale green dress and covered the ground. A huge soldier loomed above her, his face twisted into an evil sneer. He raised his sword and started to bring it down to end the 5 year old princess's life
Arianna woke with a start, drenched in sweat. She sat up in her bed, shaking. It had been more than eleven years, yet she still had nightmares of that day. That horrible, horrible day. It had started out wonderful. It was her fifth birthday and her parents had surprised her with a birthday picnic. She had been so excited in her brand new, pale green dress with white ribbon and embroidery for trimming- another gift of her parents. Her parents, the late Emperor and Empress of Skye. Oh how they had loved and doted on her. She could see them in her mind. Her mother, Lanai had emerald green eyes, like the turquoise water in the Ignis Isles and fiery red hair that framed her delicate features. Her father, Aaron had been tall and strong. He had golden hair and icy blue eyes. Kari’s two brothers had their mother’s hair and their father’s build. Kari was just the opposite with her father’s hair and mother’s sweet face. They had been such a happy family. Though Ari was royalty she had played with common children all the time. Her parents were very down-to-earth people who ruled fair and just. Her brothers were warriors. Her eldest brother had been somewhat distant, but still loved her dearly. Her other brother positively adored her. He taught her to read and write and had been the one to teach her how to ride a horse. Kari’s life had been wonderful. But it had all ended on her fifth birthday, when her family and friends and been murdered before her eyes.
“I shouldn’t be alive” Ari said aloud. And she wouldn’t have been if not for her faithful nursemaid Gina, who had taken Ari and her best friend Will and escaped. Now, they lived in the town of Krell where Gina owned and ran an inn called The Silver Gryphon. Ari and Will helped run the inn which had become quite prosperous. Kari couldn’t remember when she had first met Will. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what life would be like without either Will of Gina. They were all she had now. It was because of them that Ari had begun to heal from the pain of losing her loved ones
Suddenly a rooster crowed, snapping Ari back to reality. “Time to get up” she yawned. She quickly dressed and headed down to inn’s kitchen to face the day.
I do love critique- it helps me to see what I need to improve on. So if you do honor me with your thoughts, please tell me three things. 1. what you liked 2. what you didn't like and 3. what you think i should change to make it better. Any other comments are most appreciated. Thanks ;D
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The sound of children playing and adults chatting drifted through the woods. In a clearing, a group of nobles and commoners alike, all dressed in their cheeriest attire, gathered for the Princess of Skye's fifth birthday celebration. The little princess played happily with her friends while the adults enjoyed soaking up the sun and talking with one another. Birds were singing all around and a brook could be heard babbling nearby.
Suddenly, soldiers in black flooded out of the woods, killing everyone in their path. The little princess cried out and could only watch in horror as her friends and family were slaughtered. Blood stained her pale green dress and covered the ground. A huge soldier loomed above her, his face twisted into an evil sneer. He raised his sword and started to bring it down to end the 5 year old princess's life
Arianna woke with a start, drenched in sweat. She sat up in her bed, shaking. It had been more than eleven years, yet she still had nightmares of that day. That horrible, horrible day. It had started out wonderful. It was her fifth birthday and her parents had surprised her with a birthday picnic. She had been so excited in her brand new, pale green dress with white ribbon and embroidery for trimming- another gift of her parents. Her parents, the late Emperor and Empress of Skye. Oh how they had loved and doted on her. She could see them in her mind. Her mother, Lanai had emerald green eyes, like the turquoise water in the Ignis Isles and fiery red hair that framed her delicate features. Her father, Aaron had been tall and strong. He had golden hair and icy blue eyes. Kari’s two brothers had their mother’s hair and their father’s build. Kari was just the opposite with her father’s hair and mother’s sweet face. They had been such a happy family. Though Ari was royalty she had played with common children all the time. Her parents were very down-to-earth people who ruled fair and just. Her brothers were warriors. Her eldest brother had been somewhat distant, but still loved her dearly. Her other brother positively adored her. He taught her to read and write and had been the one to teach her how to ride a horse. Kari’s life had been wonderful. But it had all ended on her fifth birthday, when her family and friends and been murdered before her eyes.
“I shouldn’t be alive” Ari said aloud. And she wouldn’t have been if not for her faithful nursemaid Gina, who had taken Ari and her best friend Will and escaped. Now, they lived in the town of Krell where Gina owned and ran an inn called The Silver Gryphon. Ari and Will helped run the inn which had become quite prosperous. Kari couldn’t remember when she had first met Will. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what life would be like without either Will of Gina. They were all she had now. It was because of them that Ari had begun to heal from the pain of losing her loved ones
Suddenly a rooster crowed, snapping Ari back to reality. “Time to get up” she yawned. She quickly dressed and headed down to inn’s kitchen to face the day.