Post by Bethany on Apr 6, 2007 21:02:41 GMT -5
This is a story I started writing quite a long while ago. Lol. But I really want to see it go somewhere, because I really think it's quite a good story, and I'd hate to just see it sit up in my mind and gather dust.
The first couple chapters are the originals, but I started writing my plot into a corner, so I'm going to have to re-write the chapters starting with chapter 3.
So! Tell me what you think, if you don't mind!! ;D
*****
chapter 1
please
There is a place where the lines between good and evil are blurred beyond recognition.
There is a place where agony and happiness go hand-in-hand.
There is a place where nothing is black and white.
This grey matter is found in the land known as Ardennius, and our tale begins in a town known as Frostmare in the region of Icemarrow.
*****
It was a bleak morning, and snow was the only thing that Jerez could see. The wind blew snow from the sky, and kicked it up from the ground. But Jerez trudged through. He’d lived here for as long as he could remember, and he knew the whereabouts of what he seeked.
Wild he looked against the blinding whiteness. His pale skin rippled with sinew, and his long hair, black as eternity, was just as shaggy looking as the furs he wore on his arms and legs.
A hint of shadow arose in the white, slowly growing taller like a sunrise on the horizon. Soon the building stood before him; big, tall, and warm.
*****
Firelight danced on the walls, humbling the flames of the candles in the middles of the many tables. As Jerez entered, few people turned their head, and, seeing it was a familiar face, soon turned back to their drinks.
As soon as he sat down a young, blond waitess walked p with a steaming loaf of brown bread.
“It’s on the house.” She whispered, a hint of desire in her blue eyes.
“Oh yeah?” Jerez replied quietly, so that only the young woman could hear, “Well, I don’t think your mother would be very happy about that Holly.” He pulled a couple bronze coins from his pouch and put them in her hand, glancing to the large, middle aged woman behind the bar. The woman shook her head and smiled.
“She’ll never learn, will she?” Said a roughly accented voice as Jerez was slicing his bread. He turned to see Holly’s mother’s humored emerald eyes. They met Jerez’s stone grey eyes, but could not hold his gaze for long. She had com here from across the sea, and entertained many a drunkard with tales of vast lands unknown to them.
“Even if she did learn, Creacia,” Jerez chuckled, “she’d still try.”
The doors crashed open loudly, and eyes darted towards the sound on instinct. Jerez did a double take, and if men had not turned their heads, their friends had signaled them to do so.
What stood in the doorway was a sleek body cloaked in regal (but wet) red attire. Atop the suave frame rested a handsome head with an equally handsome face. Because the cold outside, he looked rather like a house cat, who has had a bucket full of water poured over his head on a breezy day. His piercing bright blue eyes scanned the crowd, momentarily pausing at Jerez. The man regained his composure and as he walked to the bar, the dull roar of the place slowly recovered.
Creacia set down the mug she’d come to deliver, and walked to the bar to help the stranger. Jerez was noticing how the man’s loose brown curls shined in the firelight, when he saw Creacia point in his direction. The man spoke to her for asecond longer and proceded to walk towards Jerez’s table with a mug of his own. With a sultry, deep voice, he asked:
“Can you take me to the nearest inn?”
All kinds of thoughts rushed into Jerez’s mind at that request, but the man soon explained that he was lost, and had buisiness in the town square tomorrow.
“I’m not from around here.” He explained.
“Well,” Jerez said, sensing his persistent elegance and unmatched poise, “I could notice that much.” The man smiled, his eyes dancing with firelight.
“My name’s Malachi.”
*****
"Are you sure that we’re headed the right direction?” Malachi yelled over the wind. He was trailing behind Jerez, who was mastering the weather with little difficulty. It was getting dark, and the out-of-towner was worried.
“I’m sure” he replied, smiling, and came to an abrupt stop.
“What are you…” Malachi started; until he noticed that they were standing right next to a building.
After they got inside, and Malachi checked in, he decided to make Jerez an offer.
“I want you to be my guide around this town this week.”
“What, you can’t handle Frostmare by yourself?” Jerez smiled.
“No, I can’t.” Malachi said quickly, not seeming to sense the joke. Jerez looked at the man suspiciously; he seemed too desperate. “I’ll pay you nicely!” Malachi pleaded.
“I know that you said you have business here, but what does that business entail?” Jerez asked. “Where are you from?” Malachi searched for answers to the onslaught of questions, and just as he thought he knew what to say, Jerez asked: “Why the hell would someone like you come all the way out here?” Malachi looked helplessly at Jerez, not knowing what to say.
“Please?” He asked quietly, discarding the pride he showed earlier. He got up from where he was sitting and stood closely to Jerez. “Please?” He repeated, taking the other man’s hand and bringing it to his lips.
“Malachi, I…” Jerez knew that this man was up to no good, but Malachi was putting up a fight that he couldn’t resist. Malachi into Jerez’s eyes, their faces so close to each other. His lips were almost on Jerez’s.
“Jerez… please.”
*****
end chapter 1.
The first couple chapters are the originals, but I started writing my plot into a corner, so I'm going to have to re-write the chapters starting with chapter 3.
So! Tell me what you think, if you don't mind!! ;D
*****
chapter 1
please
There is a place where the lines between good and evil are blurred beyond recognition.
There is a place where agony and happiness go hand-in-hand.
There is a place where nothing is black and white.
This grey matter is found in the land known as Ardennius, and our tale begins in a town known as Frostmare in the region of Icemarrow.
*****
It was a bleak morning, and snow was the only thing that Jerez could see. The wind blew snow from the sky, and kicked it up from the ground. But Jerez trudged through. He’d lived here for as long as he could remember, and he knew the whereabouts of what he seeked.
Wild he looked against the blinding whiteness. His pale skin rippled with sinew, and his long hair, black as eternity, was just as shaggy looking as the furs he wore on his arms and legs.
A hint of shadow arose in the white, slowly growing taller like a sunrise on the horizon. Soon the building stood before him; big, tall, and warm.
*****
Firelight danced on the walls, humbling the flames of the candles in the middles of the many tables. As Jerez entered, few people turned their head, and, seeing it was a familiar face, soon turned back to their drinks.
As soon as he sat down a young, blond waitess walked p with a steaming loaf of brown bread.
“It’s on the house.” She whispered, a hint of desire in her blue eyes.
“Oh yeah?” Jerez replied quietly, so that only the young woman could hear, “Well, I don’t think your mother would be very happy about that Holly.” He pulled a couple bronze coins from his pouch and put them in her hand, glancing to the large, middle aged woman behind the bar. The woman shook her head and smiled.
“She’ll never learn, will she?” Said a roughly accented voice as Jerez was slicing his bread. He turned to see Holly’s mother’s humored emerald eyes. They met Jerez’s stone grey eyes, but could not hold his gaze for long. She had com here from across the sea, and entertained many a drunkard with tales of vast lands unknown to them.
“Even if she did learn, Creacia,” Jerez chuckled, “she’d still try.”
The doors crashed open loudly, and eyes darted towards the sound on instinct. Jerez did a double take, and if men had not turned their heads, their friends had signaled them to do so.
What stood in the doorway was a sleek body cloaked in regal (but wet) red attire. Atop the suave frame rested a handsome head with an equally handsome face. Because the cold outside, he looked rather like a house cat, who has had a bucket full of water poured over his head on a breezy day. His piercing bright blue eyes scanned the crowd, momentarily pausing at Jerez. The man regained his composure and as he walked to the bar, the dull roar of the place slowly recovered.
Creacia set down the mug she’d come to deliver, and walked to the bar to help the stranger. Jerez was noticing how the man’s loose brown curls shined in the firelight, when he saw Creacia point in his direction. The man spoke to her for asecond longer and proceded to walk towards Jerez’s table with a mug of his own. With a sultry, deep voice, he asked:
“Can you take me to the nearest inn?”
All kinds of thoughts rushed into Jerez’s mind at that request, but the man soon explained that he was lost, and had buisiness in the town square tomorrow.
“I’m not from around here.” He explained.
“Well,” Jerez said, sensing his persistent elegance and unmatched poise, “I could notice that much.” The man smiled, his eyes dancing with firelight.
“My name’s Malachi.”
*****
"Are you sure that we’re headed the right direction?” Malachi yelled over the wind. He was trailing behind Jerez, who was mastering the weather with little difficulty. It was getting dark, and the out-of-towner was worried.
“I’m sure” he replied, smiling, and came to an abrupt stop.
“What are you…” Malachi started; until he noticed that they were standing right next to a building.
After they got inside, and Malachi checked in, he decided to make Jerez an offer.
“I want you to be my guide around this town this week.”
“What, you can’t handle Frostmare by yourself?” Jerez smiled.
“No, I can’t.” Malachi said quickly, not seeming to sense the joke. Jerez looked at the man suspiciously; he seemed too desperate. “I’ll pay you nicely!” Malachi pleaded.
“I know that you said you have business here, but what does that business entail?” Jerez asked. “Where are you from?” Malachi searched for answers to the onslaught of questions, and just as he thought he knew what to say, Jerez asked: “Why the hell would someone like you come all the way out here?” Malachi looked helplessly at Jerez, not knowing what to say.
“Please?” He asked quietly, discarding the pride he showed earlier. He got up from where he was sitting and stood closely to Jerez. “Please?” He repeated, taking the other man’s hand and bringing it to his lips.
“Malachi, I…” Jerez knew that this man was up to no good, but Malachi was putting up a fight that he couldn’t resist. Malachi into Jerez’s eyes, their faces so close to each other. His lips were almost on Jerez’s.
“Jerez… please.”
*****
end chapter 1.
