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Post by madandfrozen on Apr 3, 2007 3:27:55 GMT -5
kk, cya. I g2g
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Post by Jordy on Apr 3, 2007 4:59:10 GMT -5
Oh, I changed a bit to it, so I'll just post everything from chapter 2. CHAPTER 2 She searched through her fathers old things, hoping to find whatever it was that this key unlocked, or some sort of reference to it. Nothing. Sighing, she slipped the key into her pocket, and stared out the window at the sky, wondering what her life would've been like without the accident. If it was an accident…but what else could it have been? Victoria had nothing else to do….she climbed into bed and hid under her covers. She felt she had a weird day. The key in her pocket made her feel….uneasy. It made her stomach twirl. It felt as if she had some sort of power in her pocket, and it didn’t feel good. She didn’t like the feeling of having something but not knowing at all what it is.
Victoria was restless. With all of her mixed emotions stirring up inside of her, she didn’t know what to do. But weep, quietly under her covers. She tried to stop, but she couldn’t. Why was she weeping? What was their to keep grief over? She finally drifted asleep. But when she did, of course, she didn’t get a peaceful sleep. She kept having dreams and nightmares. But one dream partically interested her. It was about….her closet. In the dream, she saw her closet, and somebody saying, “There it is!” She didn’t know what it meant, but it had to mean something.
©©©©
“Vicky!!” Sounded a voice from downstairs. “Get up! It’s breakfast time.” Victoria got up, rushing to the sound of her mother. As she passed a mirror in the hallway, she stopped and looked. There was black splotches of mascara all on her face from crying. She rubbed her hands on her face and tried to get them to go away.
“Hi mom.” Victoria said restlessly.
“Hi honey,” She replied. “What were you up to late last night?”
“U- um,” Victoria stammered. She didn’t know whether to tell her mother or not. About the key, that is. “Nothing…just going through some old stuff.”
“Oh, ok. Would you like some breakfast?”
Victoria thought about her stomach. It was still uneasy. And flipping and flopping. She had a million thoughts going through her head. Was her father’s “accident” really an accident? What did this key lead to? Why did it give her such a weird feeling…? “Uh, that’s ok. I’m not very hungry. I’m going to go upstairs to my room.” She was glad she was on Spring Break. That way, she could use this time to somehow…..find out about this key. Victoria ran up to her room as fast as she could. Once there, she took a look at the key. With a quick glance, she did nothing with it but throw it on her bed. She was more interested on finding out why she had a dream about her closet.
Walking up to it, she took a deep breath. Victoria slowly opened her closet door. She saw…all of her clothes. As usual. I’m so stupid. Victoria thought to herself. There was nothing here before, why would there be anything here now? She jumped on her bed. Taking a deep breath, she picked up the key. An unusual noise sprouted from her closet. Victoria’s eyes bugged out. I’ve had enough suprises for today. She said to herself and she walked over to it. I don’t need anoth- She cut herself off when she saw a small, wooden door, peeking out from behind her clothes.
What do you think? 0_o
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Post by Jordy on Apr 3, 2007 4:59:45 GMT -5
that copyright sign is supposed to be ----
sorry, in the real novel, they are hearts.
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Post by madandfrozen on Apr 3, 2007 10:58:16 GMT -5
don't worry about it ^^ and I thought ti was cool, but you should work on making the chapters a little longer. Think about a small book. You want each chapter of yours to fit on four pages or more.
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Post by Jordy on Apr 3, 2007 17:45:28 GMT -5
Yeah, the chapters are short. But I want to end them at just the right time. I will try to expand the next one' s out.
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Post by madandfrozen on Apr 3, 2007 19:05:51 GMT -5
Alrighty ^^ otherwise, it is really good!
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Post by Jordy on Apr 3, 2007 20:26:05 GMT -5
Are you sure? I keep thinking I'm going dull....
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Post by Jordy on Apr 3, 2007 20:28:09 GMT -5
Here is Chapter 2. Finished. I added and changed some stuff. CHAPTER 2 She searched through her fathers old things, hoping to find whatever it was that this key unlocked, or some sort of reference to it. Nothing. Sighing, she slipped the key into her pocket, and stared out the window at the sky, wondering what her life would've been like without the accident. If it was an accident…but what else could it have been? Victoria had nothing else to do….she climbed into bed and hid under her covers. She felt she had a weird day. The key in her pocket made her feel….uneasy. It made her stomach twirl. It felt as if she had some sort of power in her pocket, and it didn’t feel good. She didn’t like the feeling of having something but not knowing at all what it is.
Victoria was restless. With all of her mixed emotions stirring up inside of her, she didn’t know what to do. But weep, quietly under her covers. She tried to stop, but she couldn’t. Why was she weeping? What was their to keep grief over? She finally drifted asleep. But when she did, of course, she didn’t get a peaceful sleep. She kept having dreams and nightmares. But one dream practically interested her. It was about….her closet. In the dream, she saw her closet, and somebody saying, “There it is!” She didn’t know what it meant, but it had to mean something.
----
“Vicky!!” Sounded a voice from downstairs. “Get up! It’s breakfast time.” Victoria got up, rushing to the sound of her mother. As she passed a mirror in the hallway, she stopped and looked. There was black splotches of mascara all on her face from crying. She rubbed her hands on her face and tried to get them to go away.
“Hi mom.” Victoria said restlessly.
“Hi honey,” She replied. “What were you up to late last night?”
“U- um,” Victoria stammered. She didn’t know whether to tell her mother or not. About the key, that is. “Nothing…just going through some old stuff.”
“Oh, ok. Would you like some breakfast?”
Victoria thought about her stomach. It was still uneasy. And flipping and flopping. She had a million thoughts going through her head. Was her father’s “accident” really an accident? What did this key lead to? Why did it give her such a weird feeling…? “Uh, that’s ok. I’m not very hungry. I’m going to go upstairs to my room.” She was glad she was on Spring Break. That way, she could use this time to somehow…..find out about this key. Victoria ran up to her room as fast as she could. Once there, she took a look at the key. With a quick glance, she did nothing with it but throw it on her bed. She was more interested on finding out why she had a dream about her closet.
Walking up to it, she took a deep breath. Victoria slowly opened her closet door. She saw…all of her clothes. As usual. I’m so stupid. Victoria thought to herself. There was nothing here before, why would there be anything here now? She jumped on her bed. Taking a deep breath, she picked up the key. An unusual noise sprouted from her closet. Victoria’s eyes bugged out. I’ve had enough surprises for today. She said to herself and she walked over to it. I don’t need anoth- She cut herself off when she saw a small, wooden door, peeking out from behind her clothes.
“Whoa, what is this?” She said quietly to herself. Victoria pushed away her clothes and starred silently at the door. It was small, about the forth of a regular door, and it had a small window on the top of it………..and there was a key lock. And it happened to look like the key she held in her hand would fit inside of it…
0_o
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Post by Jordy on Apr 3, 2007 20:28:33 GMT -5
Very, Very, Very, short chapter.
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Post by madandfrozen on Apr 4, 2007 17:15:05 GMT -5
nice! Work a little on how you phrase it, and go write chapter 3!
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Post by Lady Hammer on Apr 6, 2007 15:30:31 GMT -5
Very nice, I like how it's fitting together! However, when you're writing 'so and so thought this and that', there are several different ways to do it.
But generally doing it in two sentences isn't one of them, because it confuses the reader. So here are some other ways! ^^
I'm so stupid, Victoria thought.
Plain and simple without any quotations or anything. Perfectly acceptable, I've used 'em myself!
'I'm so stupid,' Victoria found herself thinking.
With single dashy quotations. This is how I see it most often.
"I'm so stupid," Victoria thought.
But with the regular quotations, it's perfectly acceptable, too! So long as your tag makes note of how Victoria thought and didn't say.
I hope that helps.
Nice chapter!
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Post by Jordy on Apr 8, 2007 0:12:46 GMT -5
Actually, in the actual story, on my words processer, thats italicized (sp). So, yeah.
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Post by Lady Hammer on Apr 8, 2007 11:54:26 GMT -5
Oohhhh I see. ^^;
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