Post by Catie on Sept 19, 2007 0:36:45 GMT -5
This is kinda long, and I am not going to re-read it before I post it because I am lazy. But I know I should probably edit it. Whatever. I'm in the mood for critique... which seems to be the point of this particular area... you know, Character development and all that. So tell me what you think. Feel free to not be nice about it too. I dont mind ;D
As a side note: This character isn't for Rping here. But I would like to use him again somewhere else, and so I figured I would improve him first.
EDIT* I lied. I started to read it after I posted it and I have to edit. It's just too bad. I can't believe that I've rp'ed with this before. Waaaah. I'm a perfectionist, I think...
General
Name
Haldis De'Ino
Gender
Male
Age
24 ish in appearance/ immortal
Species
Fallen Angel
Other
If he has any powers left after removing his wings, he doesn't ever use them (but only cause I can't think of powers to give him... maybe soon..)
Physical Appearance
He rarely brushes his brown dyed hair, but lets the long strands fall into his face, to cover the hard, blue gray eyes. His face, the face of an angel, seems always to be set into the angry, cruel glare of one who cares for nothing. His full lips are always set in a sneer and his hard eyes always in glare.
He stands a good six and a half feet tall and long scars run he length of his sides and back. Where his wings once were are two large mounds of scar tissue, the wings having been severed long ago. He has a muscular build which he always hides behind the rich, highly starched clothing of a gentleman. Most commonly he can be seen in brown or black suits (think late 1800’s/ early 1900’s style..) with shirts of a dark blue, green, or red color.
Along is left forearm from elbow to wrist, is a tattoo written in a language that is not often understood by men. The meaning behind the words is lost to everyone but himself.
Demeanor
Haldis is generally very quiet and morose. With a very particular sense of manners and his general disdain for any living creature, he is not known in society as being- sociable. He is a cruel master, taking what he wants, or needs as he pleases. He is heavy with his hand when displeased. His heart is one of ice, and he sees no end of it.
Past
Haldis was a strong, fearless, compassionate, loyal Angel. The Gods were his only love, his life. And like all Angels, Haldis knew that affection for a human was a Taboo beyond words. Whenever it was spoken upon, by the young Angels, it was only in hushed whispers. There was nearly nothing worse than to ‘fall’ for a human.
Haldis had worked hard to gain himself the recognition of the Gods. He had earned himself a place among the best and was thus granted the right to attend to matters in the human world. No one could have been prouder at the moment when he descended from the Heavens for the first time. Perhaps the life of this particular Angel would have been a long and accomplished if not for this, his first descent.
Haldis was sent, with four far more experienced Angels, to interfere with the politics of man. Angels liked nothing better than to interfere with mankind. It was the wish of the Gods that the Angels keep them entertained and this had been the most effective method. So long as a balanced was maintained, the petty drama of these inferior beings was considered nothing aside from amusment.
There was a city and in this city lived a wealthy politician who had just completed all necessary arrangements to marry a beautiful and highly sought after young aristocrat whose father was also a prominent politician. The Angels plan- to unite the girl with a commoner with whom she would form an attachment and then elope.
Haldis, being young and inexperienced was sent to help tend to the selected common youth.
After several weeks of careful preparation, Haldis was sent with a message to the others who tended to the girl. It was then that his downfall began. He saw her before he saw his companions. Her name was Navia and she would have been considered a beauty even among the Angels. Tall and elegant, with dark hair so unlike the light color of the Angels. Her full lips, her small chin, everything about her was a new form of Heaven to Haldis’ eyes. He approached slowly, his eyes meeting hers.
Their love affair was short and ended when, after only a few weeks of Earthly bliss, Haldis was found out and Navia killed by the High Angels. Haldis did not give the Angels or the Gods time to cast him out. As he sat over his lovers body he swore that he would have his revenge one day and then, with his own hands, tore his gleaming white wings from his body.
For a 100 years worth of Human time, Haldis roamed the land. He met with some of his fellow Fallen, those who had been cast out and those that had cast themselves. As the days and years passed he grew more and more morose, remembering always the 'one True Love' of his life. He kept his hair dyed brown, the color of Navia’s soft locks. On the anniversary of her death he would inflict pain upon himself. Always in the same places, reopening old scars, making them deeper and deeper.
Angry and Sorrowful, Haldis managed to amass a fortune that would allow him to live comfortably in his hate and self-mutilation until the time came for him to act upon the words he once swore.
((for a character pic, go here: darga.deviantart.com/art/love-me-37812708
I actually modeled my characters past around this picture. It's not my work, but I love it. The artist is a very talented woman!))
As a side note: This character isn't for Rping here. But I would like to use him again somewhere else, and so I figured I would improve him first.
EDIT* I lied. I started to read it after I posted it and I have to edit. It's just too bad. I can't believe that I've rp'ed with this before. Waaaah. I'm a perfectionist, I think...
General
Name
Haldis De'Ino
Gender
Male
Age
24 ish in appearance/ immortal
Species
Fallen Angel
Other
If he has any powers left after removing his wings, he doesn't ever use them (but only cause I can't think of powers to give him... maybe soon..)
Physical Appearance
He rarely brushes his brown dyed hair, but lets the long strands fall into his face, to cover the hard, blue gray eyes. His face, the face of an angel, seems always to be set into the angry, cruel glare of one who cares for nothing. His full lips are always set in a sneer and his hard eyes always in glare.
He stands a good six and a half feet tall and long scars run he length of his sides and back. Where his wings once were are two large mounds of scar tissue, the wings having been severed long ago. He has a muscular build which he always hides behind the rich, highly starched clothing of a gentleman. Most commonly he can be seen in brown or black suits (think late 1800’s/ early 1900’s style..) with shirts of a dark blue, green, or red color.
Along is left forearm from elbow to wrist, is a tattoo written in a language that is not often understood by men. The meaning behind the words is lost to everyone but himself.
Demeanor
Haldis is generally very quiet and morose. With a very particular sense of manners and his general disdain for any living creature, he is not known in society as being- sociable. He is a cruel master, taking what he wants, or needs as he pleases. He is heavy with his hand when displeased. His heart is one of ice, and he sees no end of it.
Past
Haldis was a strong, fearless, compassionate, loyal Angel. The Gods were his only love, his life. And like all Angels, Haldis knew that affection for a human was a Taboo beyond words. Whenever it was spoken upon, by the young Angels, it was only in hushed whispers. There was nearly nothing worse than to ‘fall’ for a human.
Haldis had worked hard to gain himself the recognition of the Gods. He had earned himself a place among the best and was thus granted the right to attend to matters in the human world. No one could have been prouder at the moment when he descended from the Heavens for the first time. Perhaps the life of this particular Angel would have been a long and accomplished if not for this, his first descent.
Haldis was sent, with four far more experienced Angels, to interfere with the politics of man. Angels liked nothing better than to interfere with mankind. It was the wish of the Gods that the Angels keep them entertained and this had been the most effective method. So long as a balanced was maintained, the petty drama of these inferior beings was considered nothing aside from amusment.
There was a city and in this city lived a wealthy politician who had just completed all necessary arrangements to marry a beautiful and highly sought after young aristocrat whose father was also a prominent politician. The Angels plan- to unite the girl with a commoner with whom she would form an attachment and then elope.
Haldis, being young and inexperienced was sent to help tend to the selected common youth.
After several weeks of careful preparation, Haldis was sent with a message to the others who tended to the girl. It was then that his downfall began. He saw her before he saw his companions. Her name was Navia and she would have been considered a beauty even among the Angels. Tall and elegant, with dark hair so unlike the light color of the Angels. Her full lips, her small chin, everything about her was a new form of Heaven to Haldis’ eyes. He approached slowly, his eyes meeting hers.
Their love affair was short and ended when, after only a few weeks of Earthly bliss, Haldis was found out and Navia killed by the High Angels. Haldis did not give the Angels or the Gods time to cast him out. As he sat over his lovers body he swore that he would have his revenge one day and then, with his own hands, tore his gleaming white wings from his body.
For a 100 years worth of Human time, Haldis roamed the land. He met with some of his fellow Fallen, those who had been cast out and those that had cast themselves. As the days and years passed he grew more and more morose, remembering always the 'one True Love' of his life. He kept his hair dyed brown, the color of Navia’s soft locks. On the anniversary of her death he would inflict pain upon himself. Always in the same places, reopening old scars, making them deeper and deeper.
Angry and Sorrowful, Haldis managed to amass a fortune that would allow him to live comfortably in his hate and self-mutilation until the time came for him to act upon the words he once swore.
((for a character pic, go here: darga.deviantart.com/art/love-me-37812708
I actually modeled my characters past around this picture. It's not my work, but I love it. The artist is a very talented woman!))